J: This podcast has explicitly adult themes and language. Listener discretion is advised.

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J: God, I got nervous all of the sudden. [laughter] Hello, listeners, this is James. We do not have an episode for you this week, but we wanted to reward your patience with an outtakes episode. Every week we record about an hour of content, and I cut it down into the 30 minute episodes you're used to. But, while sometimes our side tangents don't always fit with the theme of the episode, they're usually very funny, at least I think so. So here's a collection of outtakes from our first episode. This episode was recorded in January, January 18th. I'm recording this on August 24th. So this is [laughter] this is literally seven months ago. This is before I started testosterone. This is before... I mean, jeez, just a lot of things. So, yeah, I hope you enjoy! This first segment is just sort of talking about the idea of doing outtakes because right off the bat, we knew we were going to have a lot of tangents.

I: I feel like going a little bit longer because we've had a lot of side tangents, to be quite honest.

J: Yeah, for sure. I honestly also have this— Obviously this is all getting cut, but like with the side tangents, I don't think I'm going to delete them. Like, I like the idea of like holding on to them and then like eventually releasing like bonus content of like this got cut from this episode because it had nothing to do with the topic, but like, it's funny. So...

I: Yeah! Sounds cool.

J: I think that's a fun idea for later, but just yeah. Yeah! Um, yeah. Go on. I mean, that's why I wanted to check in terms of like, you know, other stuff...

I: Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, honestly, for like, rough months where it's just, like, cool.. No... [Laughter]

J: Yeah, all of the bonus stuff, just like on the side. That's a good idea.

I: Yeah!

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J: This next section is actually a fairly famous section, I guess, which is a weird thing to say. I referenced Iris talking about being a bratty horse to some of my friends that listen to the podcast, and they've always been like, okay, what is the bratty horse story? And I'm like, I had to cut it for time. So here is the bratty horse story.

I: A previous scene that I did at an event when COVID wasn't a fucking thing--

J: Ugh, imagine.

I: Was somebody was "topping" me. I'm using tapping in quotes where I was in pony play mode and they were all, like, come on over here. And I was like fighting them for dominance as this pony and they're person. And I'm like, galloping away in the middle of this dungeon space where people are doing rope fucking everywhere and they like, come on. And I don't-- I know, I don't think you've ever actually seen me in pony space before. Or I've really talked to you about it at all?

J: I've seen a photo - I've seen a photo once and I was impressed by the craftsmanship. But that's the extend of my knowledge.

I: Thank you, yes, I've got the coconut hooves because Monty Python and I like the clip clops.

J: Yup, yup.

I: And so I do that. And so I'm clip clopping around the dungeons space and all the bottoms that are being tied up because this is a rope event that we're at are like giggling and losing their shit because I'm like, [whispered] clip clop clip clop clip clop.

J: [laughter] Yeah that's good!

I: [horse whinnying noise] And-- [laughter] and the person chasing me is like "Come back!"

J: An untamed horse!

I: That kind of chaos.

J: Yeah! Oh, man, all right, well.

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J: This is just a quick little snippet, I just thought it was really wholesome about the concept of knowledge.

J: Obviously, Iris is just so much more knowledgeable than I am in terms of just like having a master's degree that'll get them very, very far. But I'm here also because I... Have a microphone and I'm fun to be around. But yeah...

I: I want to point out that academia-- Just because I went through academia does not mean that I am an expert. There are wonderful experts who do not even have a bachelor's and they have the personal expertise of doing something or working in a space longer. So just because I have an MPH doesn't mean that I'm actually smart.

J: That's. That's fair. Actually, that's very fair. How- Can- Is it fair to say also that you have an MPH and you're smart?

I: Mm, sometimes. Sometimes I'm not smart.

J: All right, I... Okay. I will let you have that. [laughter]

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J: This next section is really just raw tangent. It's just Iris went to go take a sip of their drink and I recognized it. We've been friends for a very long time. Our little friend group usually does gift exchanges, and this is a very unique coffee mug they were drinking from.

J: Not to interrupt our entire... Is that the the dick coffee mug?

I: that is my dick coffee mug. For those who cannot visually see us because this is a fucking podcast.

J: Yup.

I: I've got this giant ass mug that's about 11 inches tall and the handle is a phallus and it is wonderful. And my friend gave it to me for my birthday one year and I've been drinking from it ever since because it holds like 30 ounces of liquid. And honestly, all I need is like four of these the day and I'm good.

J: That's... Yeah, it's just-- I think this sums up really, really eloquently what this podcast is about. It's about function, getting 30 ounces of water, and for having a dildo for the handle, it's a little--

I: More than 30 ounces! You need more than 30 ounces in a day.

J: I assume your refill the cup more than once. I don't know, man. I don't drink enough water.

I: [very disappointed sounding] Oh.

J: That's fine. No, listen, I don't get headaches as much anymore, so do I need to drink water? I don't think so.

I: Progress!

J: Thank you. [laughter]

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J: In this next section, speaking of drinks, we talk about the idea of tea ceremonies as a kink. So this is actually, of all our outtakes, probably the most kink relevant one. Yeah, give it a listen and if you're really interested in this sort of concept, maybe we'll do an episode about it. Feel free to drop us a question.

J: Sometimes you just want a nice, you know, hot cup of tea and sometimes you drink a cup of tea and get a boner. I don't know anyone who has that particular interest, but I'm sure it exists.

I: Oh, high tea ceremonies are so much fun.

J: Oh, yeah, I completely forgot-- That's a whole other episode we could do.

I: We can talk about that later, but like, no, you can drink tea. And, like, maybe it's not necessarily the tea that is arousing you or making you excited or you have this like very specific preference around tea, but it could be literally being served by the individual who is serving you tea. Maybe it is the protocol of it. Like there's just so many different aspects that are just like, oh yeah, heck yeah. High tea ceremonies. For me personally, it's dressing up. I like the big poofy roughly dresses, they're fun.

J: Oh, yeah, I like the protocol of it, actually. I love-- and yeah, complete opposite of Iris's kink style. I am very, very lawful in terms of alignment. I really like order and structure. So high protocol tea is actually definitely on-- I've, I've dabbled a couple times but like to actually go the full nine yards with setting that up is on my to do list, you know, when things are safe again. So yeah. TLDR Oh, sorry. Go head.

I: Oh, super fair. Well protocol is cool and all I like-- For me, it's more like the dollification of it. No longer being a human, being dressed up by somebody else, being served food and like doing things because someone has told me to do that. And that's playing more like subby aspects of myself, but like being a little doll in the tea party with teddy bears and stuff, that's fun.

J: Oh, that is such a take on it because I'm usually sitting here like [the world's quietest burp, apparently] Pardon. I'm usually sitting here, like, thinking of hypothetical tea, as in, like, you know, English tea ceremony. Not necessarily like tea party in that sense, but I love that spin on it. That's so fun. I never even consider that. But that totally makes sense.

I: No, like having like be like having a Pikachu stuffie to your left, who has like being served Earl Gray. And so when I got a tin of biscuits, I'm so here for that. That sounds amazing. They've be lovely.

J: I might make tea after we record this. That sounds really good.

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J: This next section is kink adjacent. Basically talking about kink without talking about kink, which is something I find rather enjoyable, and it's a phenomena that is, of course, borne out of necessity, but that doesn't mean it can't be fun.

J: When I talk about-- if I ever want to talk about the fact that I've done like rope work recently, like I'll just do designs on a mannequin as like a way to relax on a weekend. But I'm talking to someone that I know was vanilla, and I don't want them to know that I've been doing, like, rope work over the weekend. I've, I've called it macrame. I say, like, Oh yeah, I've gotten really into macrame recently and that's my little secret code word for talking about bondage. [laughter]

I: I was part of this femm top group at one point. I'm no longer part of it because I now live in a different geographic region. But we all- we always called them top group book club.

J: [laughter] Nice. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I: [laughter] And we had people in the group when they came back from work just be like, Oh yeah, I have book club over the weekend. And then they'd have to be like, fuck, it was the last book that I read so I can make this convincing.

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J: And this next section is really just an odd little memory that I kind of remembered in the middle of the podcast. And when you think about the first dabbling as you get into with kink, you realize you've always kind of been into some weird stuff.

J: Or actually even before that I, in like middle school had like-- and this is going to sound bonkers, but I literally had what I would describe as a medieval torture phase where I just binged every Wikipedia article I found on like just things done during the Inquisition. And I have all this just horrifying knowledge, and I'm like, Why am I doing this? And in hindsight. I... Kind of get it and-- not totally. Some of it- thumbscrews not my kink, but like the concept on the whole, I mean not the religious part of it because not a fan, too Jewish for that.

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J: So that's all our outtakes from episode one. We really hope you enjoyed listening to a little bit of the behind the scenes action. None of these have been edited down. I usually cut out our 'ums' 'ands' what have you. But yeah, these are kind of just audio in the raw. I hope you enjoyed listening to them and we'll look forward to bringing you our next episode in two weeks. And if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to reach out to us on Twitter. Please don't hesitate to email us. We also have a question form on our website. Everything is Kinky Queeries. So that's going to be @KinkyQueeries on Twitter, that's going to be kinkyqueeries@gmail.com and that is going to be just kinkyqueeries.com that is our website. I designed it myself. I'm actually really proud of it. I don't have Google Analytics turned on, so I don't know who looks at it, so I don't know. Go to our website, leave us a question, so I know people know our website exists. All of our transcripts are on there as well. And there will be a transcript for this episode too. This has become a little ramble-y, really true to the concept of an outtake episode, but thanks again for listening and will be kinky and asking questions with you again soon. That was... That was lame. [laughter]